distance and closeness. The play of a child's mind.
* sigh * That's right I can not name the problem. Should I guess, I would accept it, my ego is dented. How should a few weeks before, with such a criticism that represents me doing as nothing suggests itself as the first of resentment in me, and the reluctance, rebellion, and in addition to the perceived injustice constantly breaks the thought through, actually they are Show times tuen looks like nothing. Until they sink into their shit. Of course, I realize that this is an impulsive idea, and I even more so that more harm than help. Of these, from this it would oppose other to intentionally hurt if I even half-way can suffer ... Even when people are completely unappealing to me I would have scruples.
Even if the relationship was another today and it was more likely expressed in the fun, it scratched heavily on my ego. Perhaps only because it was told by this particular person. There are still a difference between someone that I he thought could I not like anyway, or did not nearly tell the horizon to something about me or if I believe that at least there is a generally positive relationship between us . Just like anyone else, I could actually suffer good, I am scared away by his behavior has, so I have hardly had time dealing with it, often ignored, it could also now be back that far. That I should be almost sorry ...
other hand, I am even guilty - should I be. Is not it always so? Maybe I'm
let my hand just about anything to come close to me. Where only the distance is still there, all the buffers? You have to have a sunny, carefree spirit, to live with this distance in the long run. On the other hand, without the distance ... too? No. Actually, only a little knowledge of human nature in order to sort through life. Many light it may be due to the lack of experience? Where I already have to ask why other people of my seemingly less Experience need to cope.
Why can I interpret the behavior, tone of voice that hints of people better if it has nothing to do with me directly? If I'm just a silent observer? The plan to try to distance it has to do no longer so directly with me, also does not seem to be working. Personally, being involved means personally to be tuned, at some point it comes back to me. Eventually. At some point I'm not paying attention.
with the sunny disposition to the outside came the impulsivity. Regarded as superficial, perhaps not that bad ... If it impulsive, instinctive, uncontrolled, then am I not? The constant Reflection makes a very tame ... Man questioned everyone and everything. Did he mean that as a joke? Was it a hint, hint, dressed as a joke? If the tone and the good face soften the reflections, so it does not matter how a bomb is heading?
If I'm ENGAGED such considerations, it makes any difference? If the distance is already gone and my ego licks his wounds, since the intentions of the other is still of concern? Does it interest anyone at all? If there were someone who would be able to deal with me, coincide so that intention and effect? Is something only if one knows not, and no value shall thereafter, to know? Only in passing, almost? In people with whom you would engage any circumstances, should not be only the slightest personal word? How has
only this one turn me back to earth with a bump! That was quite a crash landing. Now that I am an experienced pilot break so, I will survive this. But I would like to avoid. As knowledge of it I can draw is that I must keep my distance, they must force perhaps. I'm not just a matter of light. Again and again flickers in me a childish desire for acceptance, recognition, sympathy ... positive feedback in general. And if even in such a flickering moment as a small, perhaps not meant seriously or bad line occurs, it is also the negative feeling is not enough. Just as it was as children, rejection, and victimization weigh heavily on a mind like mine. Unlike the time I step mittleweile not to escape, but keep smiling just stubborn, I took the joke as benevolent.
With such a reaction, I realize I can not expect from others in that they realize that they have set themselves straight into the full horn Eating nest with me. So blame yourself. But you can not follow each child's emotional impulse, as if there were no consequences. And somewhere must also still a little dignity be preserved. Not that I would not have also long since lost somewhere along the way, but I would always convince themselves that are rated new dignity and self-esteem for each day. Furthermore you must decide yourself. I'm starting again only to evaluate everything from the outside, be dependent on the outside, where I'll go there again only? The deepest hole that is able to imagine my imagination. Equality, etc. in addition to bridge, knitting and house pharmacy.
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